The Single Guy’s Guide To Definitely Hooking Up On Valentine’s Day.

Coffee Shop

So you start every morning with a strong cup of joe? That’s a perfect opportunity to meet up with another lonely soul. Just keep your head on a swivel while you’re in line for your latte — you never know when your night-of-Valentine’s-Day love will show up.

And there she is, walking up to the line behind you. There’s no ring on that finger, so ball’s in your court. She’s looking a bit harried — it is the first thing this morning after all — so the best way to make an intro is with a kind gesture. Order her drink for her! Who says a coffee shop can’t work like a bar?

To really surprise her, don’t even ask her what she’d like. Just order two of what you’re having, and give the barista a wink and explain your play. To be really cute (this is for Valentine’s Day, after all) insist that they write some type of pet name on the coffee cup, like “Sweetcheeks” or “Sharon.” That way, you have an immediate icebreaker — and a go-to nickname once you get to the romantic times later on. Really commit and refuse to refer to her as anything else, no matter how much she pretends to hate it. Valentine-less women all appreciate immediate, intense commitment. No exceptions.

Office

Finding a date at the office is easy enough. You probably have a good idea about the available pool, and you’re not going in totally blind.

Remember how everyone used to give out those little cardboard Valentines to their whole elementary school classes? Same principle here. Bring a whole set (word around the school bus stop is the cool kids are giving out Star Wars Valentines this year), complete with candy hearts if you’re fancy. Hand them out to everyone, so you can be smooth and subtle — just write very obvious, pointed messages to the coworkers you’ve got your eye on. Example: I like you a lot. Check yes and return to me if you’ll come home with me to be my Valentine for real tonight.

If you’re concerned about any possible HR issues, easy solution: Just add a really special message to their card about how you know about what happened after the company Holiday party back in December, and you’ll be in the clear.

Movie Theater

The movie theater might just be too easy on a night like tonight. There’s always a few terrible chick flicks running, and they’re like bright porch lights to the single-lady moths stuck out in the dark world alone.

Your approach here is easy enough: pick the most romantic movie of the bunch (by law it’s required that a Nicholas Sparks adaption is playing in theaters during Valentine’s Day, so that’s a safe bet), buy a ticket and full movie date accoutrement (one large popcorn, one large soda with two straws, and Sour Patch Kids), and head on in about fifteen minutes into the movie. That way, you can scope out the status quo, eliminating the couples on dates and zeroing in on the single ladies. Plus, you dodge the first part of every single one of those terrible movies, where the couple meets cute and hates each other at first — which warms your prospective paramour up for your next move.

After scoping out a seat, settle yourself down right next to the nearest, most single-looking woman. Just from her emotional state from the time of year, the movie, and the lure of free popcorn, you’ll be pulling the classic yawn to put the arm around the shoulder move in no time. If she asks exactly what the hell it is you think you’re doing, just give her a smile, point at the screen to the formerly mismatched couple, and say “That could be us.” Swoon, every time.

Dating Sites

The one place that people are sure to be on Valentine’s Day is joining dating sites.If you can dream it, you can do it.

Wise men have said that more than half of the women you find attractive would be better off suited dating you than whoever they chose without knowing you.

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There’s nothing wrong with sticking to routines that you know and love. Repeating them over and over because they suit your needs, whatever they may be. But when it comes to sex, sticking to your comfort zone can become boring, for not only you but also your partner.

Don’t get me wrong, if a certain position or an action gets you off every time without fail, why would you want to change that? You wouldn’t, but if you are doing it continuously without switching it up, how do you know you aren’t missing out on even better sex, experiences and ultimately orgasms?

This week we are switching it up as we celebrate Opposite Day. We have come up with six naughty ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and take your sex life to the next level.

On A Pool Table

There’s something so 1960s The Hustler hot about boning on a pool table. Think of it as just like doing it on your kitchen table, but with the bonus of it being extra dirty and fun with the possibility of extra balls bashing about.

On A Jet Ski

Yeah, you heard me right! The plan is to make a splash anyway so why not take it to the seas. Hire a jet ski on your next holiday and ride it to a secluded cove around the coastline so you can get wet ‘n’ wild together. Just be cautious about the wave high and tides because although you’re meant to be riding the waves, you really don’t want to find yourself rolling in them if you fall off.

At Work

You’d be surprised at how many people are brave enough to get down in their spouses’ or someone else’s office space. Bathrooms, private offices and conference rooms are all great for forbidden sex. Just be sure your boss isn’t around…unless it’s the boss you’re shagging.

Make A Group Sex Porno

Wild, I know, but for those of you lucky lot that have a big sexy social group, this could be the perfect bonding experience. With enough of you in the mix, you can take it in turns to be in charge of the camera and getting stuck into the action.

In A Dressing Room

If you’re taking your clothes off, you might as well take them off-off . While it may be against the law to have sex in public and we don’t condone illegal activity, there’s no denying that getting frisky in a fitting room is the perfect place to do the deed in private.

Handjob In A Helicopter

Maybe one not to try if you are the pilot or co-pilot, understandable there are a lot of knobs and gear sticks that need touching, but it’s best the piots are fully focused and in control of their chopper at all times. Another story if you are a passenger, while the pilots are focused on the flight, you’re free to take in the sceneries whether they are looking out the window or whats in your fellow passengers pants. Just remember to switch your headset on mute .

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Where would be the strangest place you’d love to have sex? Or maybe somewhere you have already done it? Let us know in the comments below.

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